We opened the drawer to find a host of socks and tights. We complained that they were all girl’s socks. Mum asked us what we expected. We pulled on a pair of horrible white knee socks with flowery pasterns running up them, then mum told us to put on a vest from our knicker drawer. “And make sure it matches your knickers.” Mum insisted.
We stepped into our dresses. Mum turned Peter around and began fastening the buttons that ran all the way up the back. Then she stopped. “Why I’m doing this when your brother could be helping you I have no idea,” she said. She sat on my bed and let me fiddle with Peter’s buttons. Then I turned around and Peter fastened my buttons. “Oh you look so sweet helping each other.” she gushed. Under our beds was a pair of girl’s shoes we never knew we had. They had fiddly buckles and a little heel. We complained that they were uncomfortable and hard to walk in. Mum said we’d get used to them. “And the important thing is they look nice,” she added.
Mum insisted on taking a photograph of us so she could show Granny how nice we look. To add insult to injury, she made us stand in the back garden, and hold hands! We ran back indoors as soon as we could, fearful that one of the neighbours might see us. We sat in front of the TV and watched what mum wanted… She-Beebies, the CBBC sister channel aimed at girls. It’s the last channel any boy would choose to watch.. in fact it’s too girlie for most girls!
I don’t know why, but I felt obliged to ask if I could go to the toilet. First mum insisted I say ‘mummy’ instead of ‘mum’, then she told me that I had to sit down to wee. “That way you won’t get any on your dress,” she said with a smile. “And make sure it doesn’t get tucked in when you pull your knickers up!” she added as I clumped my way up the stairs. It was weird sitting down to wee… but not as weird as the fact I could reach the floor with my heels on.