A rainy day again.
All I could see through the kitchens window was falling water.
Damn, why happens it always in the weekend?
We’ve planed to go out that night!
My thoughts circled for possible solutions and I hoped, that one of my friends has found a guy with a car, because I don’t like to ruin my hair!
Why I was here again?
Oh yeah, I needed some glasses and a coke for our mix-drinks.
Yeah, that was it. I had to take a glass as spare and enough to drink, because I didn’t want to leave my room until this evening.
Let’s see… five glasses, checked! ….four litre coke…double-checked!
Now I only needed to carry it up to my room.”
A dumb idea, to come here alone and I cursed myself for wearing this tight shirt, because there was no way to use it as carrying help.
But I would still make it!
I bumped the light switch of the kitchen with my nose and walked fully loaded to the stairs.
One bottle under each arm and five glasses pressed with my hands to my body aren’t easy to hold on ,but I was optimistic and I climbed the stairs without to doubt.
And you know what?
It was just fate, that it happened with the last step.
One of the glasses slipped away and fell to the ground.
And I looked downwards with wide eyes, while this darn refugee fell down in slow motion.
If I had a free hand I would try to catch it, but I couldn’t do anything in this situation.
The glass didn’t broke when it banged on the carpet, but it rolled down the stairs and I shuddered with every step it took.
I looked down the stairs and was relieved, because the refugee rolled safely to the bottom.
” Darn thing! I’ll pick you up later!” I said in anger and went on.
Good that I took an additional glass with me.
Finaly I’ve reached my destination.
An old wooden door, white painted and decorated with a gingerbread heart, which I’ve gained on my last journey.
I heard the TV in my room and one of the girls talked a way too much.
And sure I knew, who it was. I knocked with my foot against the door and waited for someone, who maybe opens the door for me….
And I waited and waited and waited for 10 seconds (I’m not really patient ).
Maybe was the TV just too loud or maybe were the others just too self-absorbed?
So I tried to open the door with my elbow.
And you know what? I managed to open the door and as I stepped into my room, I saw the usual and for me normal sight I’m used to.
My room was my castle! Okay, okay! It was only a room with four walls, a roof and two windows, but it was my room, at least since several years.
And these three girls in my room were my best friends. We know each other since…since the kindergarden, I believe.
There was Susan, who lay on my single bed, with her shoulder leaned against the wall.
She used one of my pillows to get a snugly position, while her hand was holding the remote of my TV.
A normal sight of my friend watching TV.
But Susan wasn’t normal and it weren’t her black long hairs, her well formed body or her attitude, that disturbed me.
No, she was just a goth.
She always said, that she is no goth and that she only wears black, because black makes slim. But we all knew, that she was lying!
Everytime, when she tried to say this sentence, I answered teasingly: ” Sure? Seems to not work with you!”
In my lovely violett beanbag sat Sindy, the average girl.
A girl with love for tight blouses and hotpants. Blonde and dumb.
But she is not dumb, because she is blonde!
Once she was just like me, you know, just normal.
But then it hit her, the train of love.
God damn it, even now she sat in my beanbag and used my homephone to speak with her lover, while she wrote him one sms per second with her other hand.
Good, that she has only two hands. I always hoped, that this love-thing sometime would end.
And I’m always near the puke, when I try to listen to her phonecalls.
Don’t see it wrong, I don’t want to talk about envy! I…I…I’m not jealous!
Argh, think what you want! At least her mobile was cool, just the newest of the new, and it had this glittering star on its backside.
And my third friend sat with her filthy ass at my desk on my office chair.
Her name? Viktoria, Vikkie or like I call her sometimes, the red haired Valkyria.
She is my friend, but it’s more a hate-love.
I don’t know why she always tried to make my life more difficult and I don’t know why I do the same things with her.
Our friendship is hard to describe.
So, Vikkie was at my desk and she did what she always did, to my dismay.
She painted her fingernails with my, yeah you hear right, my lacquer! Everytime, this happens everytime!
And I’ve already lost the interest to stop her. On the other side I’ve started to use her lacquer, when we were at her home.
Hey, lacquer isn’t for free and at least I can say, that we share as friends!
Still fully loaded, I closed the door behind me with my foot and went over to my desk.
I stood near to Vikkie and bent down a bit, to deposit the glasses, but unfortunately slipped the bottle of coke under my right arm away and fell down.
The bottle hit Vikkies foot and she screamed highly pitched and growled on me ,”Ouch”.
And I answered “I love you,too!” with a light smirk on my face.
She looked, as if she needed to punch me for this answer, but we both knew, that she won’t do anything, that might damage her lacquered nails.
And so I moved on and gathered up the fallen bottle of coke.
Right then, I walked over to my dresser and opened my panty drawer.
Yeah, I hide my booze under my panties! Dad would never look there and even if, I could always ask, from where he had it.
No good plan, but better then to hide it elsewhere.
I grabbed the two hidden bottles and turned around , calling out :
” Booze or Whisky?”
Susan was the only one, who answered, and she called back to my surprise:
” Give us Whisky, but not too much, or my tummy starts to ache!”
I was surprised, because she never said such words.
“Your…. tummy? Aww, how cute! Want me to cherish your tummy ?”
I joked, but her answer hit me like a train.
“Yeah, would be nice!” , she answered with a dumb grin on her face and all I could do, was to shake my head.
I rolled my eyes and turned back to my dresser, to hide the booze and to shut the drawer, before I went back to the desk.
Vikkie was still busy with her nails, while I began to pour the Whisky into the glasses.
And while I mixed the drinks,
I couldn’t resist to talk to the Valkyrie.
“Red nail varnish? So you plan something big tonight?” I asked, as if I wouldn’t know.
”What are you talking about?
I plan always something and you know,
that this color fits to my hair!!” Victoria answered uppity.
And I said: ” Sure, but leave someone for me tonight.
Always, when you take a guy, you bring him back broken!
That aren’t nails, that are claws! There is no fun anymore, when I’ve to see their scratched backs!”
” Okay, okay! Crybaby! Next time I’ll scratch a message into my victim, or better a joke.
So you would have your fun! And now, out of my sight!
Can’t you see, I’m busy here!” said the Valkyrie and even I thought it was funny and smirked back.
The drinks were done, and I took two glasses and delivered them to the others.
Sindy wasn’t too satisfied, as she had to put her mobile away, and Susan lifted barely her hand, so I had to bend forward, to give it to her.What a lazy bum!
After that I fetched my own glass from the desk and walked over with it to my bed.
I took a comfortable seat on my bed, right next to Susan and we drank and watched TV.
It was a usual day with the usual smalltalk and I lay there on my bed, while I gulped my drink down.
Soon was my glass empty and I stood up to fetch more.
Susan gave me her glass and I looked over to Sindy, but her glass was still full. Gosh, she was even too busy to take a sip.
I marched over to my desk and noticed, that Victoria left the office chair to take a seat on the ground.
She even took off her Jeans and now she sat there with bowed legs in order to varnish her toe nails.
Her white string was fully exposed and all I could think:
Why white?
White is the color of innocence and she is nothing like that. It looked even like one of mine, or was it mine?
That was too much for me, but what could I say? I just tried to ignore her and went over to my desk.
I grabbed a bottle and poured the apple juice into the glasses.
Wait a moment, was it apple juice?
Didn’t we drink… something else?
No it was apple juice, what should it else be?
And I brought it here into my room, like I remember.
But I felt, that something wasn’t right.
I just couldn’t place a finger on it.
Soon I walked back to my bed, with two glasses of apple juice.
I handed Susan her glass and then I lay back on my place to watch some TV.
The apple juice doesn’t seem right as I drank it, because somehow I’ve missed a prickle, and the TV show wasn’t as good either.
Susan watched a kids-show and all I could do was to frown.
” Ehm, Susan? Could you change the channel?
This show is disgusting!”I said to Susan and she answered:
“Nuh uh! Want to watch dis!”
“Give me the remote!” I said in a grumpy tone and she just answered:
“Oww, okay!”, and handed me the remote.
Hey it’s my room and it’s my TV, so it’s my right to control it.
And I did it, at least I tried it! I pushed really every button, but the channel wasn’t changing.
The TV flickered only, every time I’ve pressed a button.
The damn remote was broken!
” What did you do with the remote?” I asked a bit testy and she answered innocently:
” Nothin… !”
I looked over to Susan and she looked back to me in her usual pink babydoll dress with all this freaky pink ribbons.
I think, I could never wear something like this.
” Gosh Susie, you damn Sissy! You’ve broken my remote!”
I said well knowing, that she didn’t like to hear the word sissy.
She answered quickly like always :
“Nuh uh! I’m no sissy! I only like to wear pink, because pink makes you look cute!”
And I answered teasingly like always:
” Sure? Seems to not work with you !”
I hit her and she turned away from me in disgust.
I know that I’ve hurt her feelings, but somehow, indeed yeah, somehow she had deserved it.
She pressed her head into my pillow and looked with one eye over to the TV.
And I tried to stay calm but, it wasn’t my intention to watch this dumb kids-show.
I’ve even shaked the remote, in hope, that it would work again, but nothing happened.
Finally flew the remote across the room and I stood up, to change the channel manually.
My legs felt somehow to be heavy and my sence of balance wasn’t alright, but I wasn’t paying too much attention to it, while I walked across the room to my TV.
In my hand was still my juice and it was tasty, as I took another sip.
I looked down to the TV, because it stood on a really low TV-table, searching for the channel-buttons.
Then I bent down and went on my knees, while I took another sip.
I tried not to look onto the bright screen, while my hand reached after the buttons, but this rythmical music was just too interesting and I peeked onto the screen.
All these cool colors! Damn, this show wasn’t so bad at all.
And I lifted my outstreched hand to touch the screen.
I tried to catch the smiling sun and all these crazy animals, but I needed both hands, so I placed my cup asside.
Soon I had both hands on the screen, but nothing worked, because I wasn’t able to catch anything.
That was boring and dumb.
What was I doing here again? Something was wrong, indeed, something was really wrong here.
And I looked around the room, but there was nothing unusual.
I saw the colored walls, the playfully decorated curtains, my white and yellow furniture and under my bed was nothing either, as far as I could see through the lowered safety rails.
Everything was just as usual. What was wrong with me?
I saw Vikkie, who sat there like before, in only a white shirt and some training pants, on my favourite blanket and she still used my finger paints to draw some uggly pictures.
Why she tried it at all? She did have no sense for art!
Would be fun, to show her my talent, but I couldn’t join her play.
I know how it would end, because she never wants to share with me.
I didn’t want to end so, so,so… completely painted like her.
Then I looked over to Sindy.
Her pigtails hung over the sides of my rocking chair, there wasn’t anything different from before.
Sindys tight ballerina-body was still white and the skirt seemed to be puffy as ever.
Oh yeah, she dreamed to be a big dancing-star since I know her.
But with her two left feet she won’t ever be one. Maybe I show her some dancing moves later.
It wasn’t unnoticed that she has played, like always, with my toy-phone.
In her other hand was her white unicorn with this cool shining horn and this glittering stars on its body.
Sindy and her unicorn were inseperable and she let me never, yeah I have to say it, let me never play with it.
She comes to me, takes my lovely rocking chair and my toy-phone in possession and I? I can’t even play with her dumb unicorn.
Like always! And there was no way to talk with her, because she wouldn’t pay attention to me, while she talks to the phone.
I thought about, to go back to Susie, maybe she knew, if something was wrong.
I forgot nearly my juice, as I stood up, and I looked around in my perplexion.
My eyes went wide, when I’ve found my cup on the ground.
This tricky thing fell to the side, but there was a relieved sigh, as I picked it up.
I was lucky, that my sippy cup didn’t spill a drop. But to be safe, I held it with both hands on the handles.
These handles were made for use and I would be dumb, if I wouldn’t use them!
And so I moved on and drank some juice on the way back to Susie.
I reached my bed and took a huge step, to climb on the mattress, but then I felt the urge to do more.
You know what I did? Do you?
Yeah, you’re right! I jumped around on the mattress. I know, it was silly, but it made so much fun.
I even jumped to the music, they played my favorite nursery song.
This funny music came as usual from the magical box on the other side of the room and it made me happy, every time, when it was playing.
As I heard Susie, I stopped. Wait! Yeah, I remembered myself, that I wanted to ask her something.
Maybe she knew the answer!
There was something wrong, but Susie was still the same as always.
Long black hairs, this frilly pink bonnet and that frilly pink onesie were part of her usual appearance.
To be clarified, I never saw her in something, that wasn’t pink.
And to be honest, this onesie couldn’t hide the big diaper bulge of my innocent and incontinent friend.
I called her name, as I bent down, but she didn’t answer.
She didn’t even looked at me! All she did, was to grunt, while she balled her hands.
There was nothing I could do, while she did her usual business.
Had it to be now? I had to ask her something!
It was so senseless now, to wait for answers, while I sat on my knees next to my friend, because after her business she would only start to cry.
And it came, as I knew, it would coming.
First flowed the tears, then she wailed before she has started to bawl .
But I knew my friend too good and I knew, what I had to do, to stop her.
Disgusted by her noises, I searched for her bottle and found it, as it stuck between the mattress and the rails..
With much effort, I grabbed the bottle and put its teat into the gaping mouth of my friend.
Immediately she stopped to bawl and started to suck, while I thought about her bottle.
She always gets the pink bottle, but why should I care?
I had the better one! Mine had this cool moving glitter inside!
Relieved, that it became silent again, I leaned back on the mattress and held my cool bottle with both hands over my head, to observe it.
Still a half bottle of milk was left. And I’ve shaked my bottle just for fun.
The glitter in the bottle flowed up and down and up and down.
I just couldn’t get enough of it! I was so proud of my special bottle, because it was cooler than all the others.
I needed to taste the glory, so I’ve tried to place its teat to my lips, what, like always, wasn’t so easy.
My lips have snatched the teat and the milk flowed down my throat.
I hadn’t thought about the sucking motions, because my body did it automatically, like always.
And I wasn’t that hungry, I only liked the sweet milk.
So sweet, so good and so normal like always.
I closed my eyes and drank in silence, while soft music filled the room.
Soon I felt that the bottle was empty, and I opened my eyes to look around.
And the bottle just fell to the ground as I stopped to pay attention to it.
Because there was something else, that seemed to be more interesting.
So I turned my head and looked through the bars of my crib.
What I saw, was one of my other friends.
It was Sindy, who was strapped into my baby rocking chair. Even her white onesie was like always too tight, especially for her overhanging diaper.
Like usual, Sindy gurgled and giggled without a break., while she tried to grab the plush stars, which were hanging some inches over her chest.
Why I watched on her? Easy term!It was Sindys rattle.
This thing was so cool, so shiny and with a glittering star on it.
I watched it, listened to its shaking noises and I even wonder, how it tasted.
It didn’t took long till I’ve lost the interest and I started to think about my main problem.
I still didn’t know, what was wrong. Everything was like always.
But I thought , that something was wrong? I knew, that something was wrong, but what? What?
I’m healthy, my friends are all here and they were all happy.
But why am I so worried? What was it? Susie, what was it?
My eyes went wide, because now I knew, what it was! I felt it!
And Susie even had tried to warn me!
Why I didn’t thought earlier about it?
But wait!
Be strong, it wasn’t too late! I only had to…. to….to…. reach the potty!
I couldn’t end like Susie, not today.
I would make it.
Come on girl, move your ass!
I pushed my body with the usual movement difficulties upwards on my feet and looked over the rails of my crib.
Had to be my lucky day, because the rails were still lowered.
So I lifted one of my legs over them and climbed out of my crib.
It wasn’t far! The door was over there! And I started to walk in its direction.
But it were only a few wobbly steps, till a loud giggle stopped my movement.
Surprised, I looked over to Vicky, who smiled back to me.
The redhead sat still there with spreaded legs on my blanket.
And her grin was priceless, because the finger paints were smeared all over her face.
Her shirt wasn’t so white like before, just like the puffy diaper around her crotch.
But on the second sight, the diaper looked more like a sagging diaper, but who was I, to judge about her?
She got my attention and I turned slowly to her and smiled back.
Vickie lifted her hands in joy and squeaked out what she thought:
” Mawrie walks !!!”
And I heard her, but I didn’t understand, what she meant.
I thought, that I was Marrie?
And I walk?
So I looked down on myself, and indeed: I stood on my feet and I walked all the way from my crib to the middle of the room.
That was sensational and unbelievable for me, that I went so far.
I raised my arms in joy.
Damn, this was so cool.
I’ve learned to walk!
And Vickie saw me walking! Pah,
I was so superior!
As my joy had dissolved, I looked back to Vikkie, but she already had lost the interest and just lay there with her thumb in her mouth.
It was okay with me, because I had something else to do.
What was it again? Oh, I know, I’ve tried to reach the door, in order to use the potty!
And it felt like if I had not much time left.
It was good, that I’ve learned to walk, because it would make me so much faster.
But, how do I do it again ?
Think girl, left foot ahead, followed by the right.
Or was it, the right first? It’s not important.
I would make it somehow, because I was so superior!
My legs were spread out by my clothes, like always, but I did made it up to here, somehow, and I would move on, at any costs.
I choosed my left foot and made a step forward.
Believe me or not, but it has worked!
Now I knew that my right foot had to follow, and I moved it forward .
But damn me, that I’ve forgot to move my entire body with the foot.
I lost my balance, because my rump stayed too far behind, and so I fell backwards.
I fell on my crinkling butt, like always when I’ve lost my balance, but I wasn’t too satisfied about it..
Damn it, I wanted to walk, because that made so much fun.
There were tears in my eyes and my thumb has found a way into my gaping mouth.
I felt so sad. The fall didn’t hurt at all, thanks to my comfy diaper, and my Onesie held everything in place, but I was sad about it, like always.
But there was one thing I could do, to cheer me up.
And I did it! This moment was like always the best!
I stared into the distance, as I felt the warmth around my crotch, and it has eased my day for quite a moment.
The flowing sensation ended sometime and I looked at the door in front of me.
There was something I still needed to do! Yeah, I needed the potty!
Urgently! I should better move on!
There was nothing to hold on and I wasn’t sure if I should try to walk again.
So I placed my hands in front of me and moved on on my hands and knees.
It wasn’t that easy to move my body forward, due to the thick padding between my legs, but I crawled ,like always, in joy and listened to the funny crinkling of my diaper.
I wasn’t sure, if the diaper made all the crinkling, but I knew, that it rustled when I moved my body.
It was a normal sound for me, like the squishy warm feeling between my legs.
I crawled and crawled, more than I always did, but finally I’ve reached the door.
There I sat down and looked at the closed door, and somehow I knew, what I had to do.
I’ve seen it many times before.
It had something to do with this shiny thing.
I always wondered, how it has worked, and I always wanted to grab it.
I just likes shiny things!
So I sat up on my knees and lifted my padded rump a bit, to reach the handle with my outstreched hands.
But then I thought, that it was broken , somehow, because it bowed down in my hands.
I don’t know why, but I tried to pull it, and nearly fell over, as the door flew open.
First I was surprised, but then I thought about it.
I still had something to do! I had to potty!
And I moved on and tried to slip through the gap.
But I was so proud, that I managed to open the door, that I didn’t took care about things in front of me.
It was hard enough for me, to hold back this inner urge, and I really really had to go.
But the fate beat me.
My hairy head slammed into something, just as I went through the door, and I dropped back on my butt, more out of fear than out of pain.
I looked up to it and remembered, what it was.
It was the damn baby fence! It hindered me, like always, to leave my room.
Oh how I’ve hated this darn thing.
Eagerly, I tried to squeeze myself through the bars, but my head was too big.
And it was to high, to climb over it.
Wasn’t there a way to open it?
How did that work?
I wanted to explore the world!
I wanted to look into this tiled room over there, but I couldn’t.
Damn, this thing was such a party pooper!
Oh, poop! Oh, yeah, I’ve nearly forgot it. I needed the potty!
I didn’t have much time!
Maybe, maybe Susie knew how to open it!
She was smart, she had to know it!
So I turned back, over to my crib.
It was so far away from here, but I had to hurry, because…because…Ah, don’t ask me why! I had no time to think about!
I started to crawl forward and to be honest, I wasn’t really good in it.
My hands were just faster then my legs and I lost the synchronisation after some moves.
It wasn’t that easy to think about so many things at once and I felt, that something else has started to move.
I stopped and sat back on my knees, because there was this unhealthy feeling again.
It was a usual feeling and I knew, what I had to do, to stop it.
I had to release it, like I always did. And I sat there and pushed, while I bit on my lip.
It was hard work and I grunted with every try.
And then I felt, that it was coming.
My head was already beat red and the exhaustion was written in my face.
Then, the world seemed to spin and I fell back into a lying position.
I raised my legs up to my chest and felt it coming. It was like a flood, despite the fact, that it was more solid.
And the releasing was, like always, liberating.
There was this funny smell,
but I didn’t paid too much attention to it,
because I usually smelled such things the whole day and night.
And I thought about my situation, and how to make the best out of it.
And I knew the answer!
I balled my hands and used all my power, in order to push everything out my body.
I don’t know why, but everyone was always proud of me, when I did my work right.
So here I was, grunting and struggling for my great deed, till nothing was left.
Damn, was I good!
But it was as exhausting as ever and my powerless legs and hands collapsed in the end to ground.
Then, as my butt met the ground,
I felt the squishy filling of my diaper.
And it spread in my diaper by my weight, but this feeling was so normal like everyday.
And it was no bad feeling for me, because it was so nicely warm.
It was soooooo much and it made me happy, because everyone will be proud of me.
And I lay there, exhausted but happy.
But something wasn’t right!
I wasn’t sure!
I couldn’t see if something wasn’t right, because my usual blurry view made it difficult to comprehend the distant lights over me.
I knew, that I had two hands and two legs.
I felt them, but they only did, what they liked to do, and I wondered, like always: For what were they good?
I knew something was wrong!
Someone wailed and bawled over there, but I don’t know, who it was.
But it wasn’t important, because there was always someone here, who cried.
I’ve heard it so often, that it became meaningless for me.
And I heard a usual soft lullaby from somewhere.
I thought, it was my favourite song, but they all sounded identical and awesome to me.
That were usual sounds of my daily life.
There was nothing different from before.
But what was wrong?
I really liked to know it, but the day was so exhausting until now.
Maybe I ask Susie, when I wake up……
